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Sunday, September 05, 2010
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The affect of "choice" can be difficult to deal with and can have a ripple effect through a person's life or through a family. If you'd like to share an anonymous comment on how an abortion (yours or someone you know) has affected your life, we welcome you to post.
The messages below may be written by people who have not yet gone through recovery. In reading them you may see very raw emotions. Feelings of anger, depression and unforgiveness are normal. These are common emotions prior to someone going through an abortion recovery program.
If the stories below trigger your heart, someone else you know may also be suffering the aftermath of abortion.
For those needing help, we'll assist you in finding a program . If you question whether recovery is necessary or "right for you"..... Please feel free to read our stories of recovery to see how it impacted the lives of others.
Feel free to email us directly for help: CARE DIRECTORY STAFF
NOTE: Email and city are OPTIONAL. Neither will show on the message board! If you choose to leave your email, we can then respond to you!
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| Name: nikki | Date: 8/12/2010 | I found out two weeks ago at my pap smear that I was 16 weeks pregnant. I was totally and utterly shocked and at first did not know what to do. I spent the next two weeks debating all possibilites. It was the worst two weeks of my life. Everybody, my family, my therapist, my ex boyfriend, and my friends gave me advice. I knew that if I had the child, it would bring the baby into a hard and possibly abusive lifestyle. I did not want that for the baby or for myself. I thought I was making the right decision by terminating the pregnancy. It took two days of procedures. I finished the abortion this morning. At first I felt calm. Now and all day I have felt an enormous amount of loss, emptiness, lonliness, regret, sadness, and the yearning for a family. I love my little baby in Heaven and I will never feel sorry enough for what I did.
I really don't know how to handle this. No one or no thing in life can ever prepare you for this.
I am 25, single, alone in New York, promising career, but what does that matter when you do not have the most important thing in this world? Family. Love. Children.
August 12, 2010 Forever in mommy's heart, soul, and mind. I love you my son. God Bless you in Heaven and I know you are shining down on me. Please FORGIVE me, and I hope to see you in Heaven one day. God PLEASE FORGIVE me. |
| State: ny | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Victoria | Date: 7/26/2010 | | I feel guilty more than anything. I had my termination exactly a week ago. Everyone who was informed of my decision is very surprised at how i am handeling things. I don't feel that i am strong enough. I cried several times before i even called to schedule the appointment. took it as "starting the grieving process" I have cried a few times since last week. I am lucky to have the support network that I do. I have three children already. this experience has made me extremely over protective of them. wanting them all as close to me as possible. first thoughts and even now I keep thinking that I have killed my baby. I am dealing with trying to balance my emotions. Will God turely forgive me? Will I forgive myself? Will my child ever forgive me? I know i am going to suffer for my choice. Knew that before what i call the worst day of my life. i am a mother. and i love my children with all my heart. how could i ever make the choice i did. Logically my choice makes sense and is definately the best choice. But emotionally it HURTS physically and emotionally. i am pretty open about my choice and what i am going thru. some people are very understanding. other say they are but its obvious that they are lying and have passed judgement. i pray that God had mercy on me. I hope that my suffering passes sooner than later. there is a song by a christian girl band superchics i don't know for sure what the name of the song is but i call it the "beauty from pain" everytime i hear it i cry. somehow that helps me. i just want anyone who chooses to do this to understand one way or another, today or tomorrow- it will hurt. Pray with all your might and do not lose hope in the Lord. the devil is lying in wait for a moment of weakness. don't give it to him. i have been tempted to several times already and its a struggle for me. i pray that its not for you. FORGIVE ME. |
| State: OH | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Christina | Date: 7/13/2010 | I thank God for this place here. It was not available way back when. What my wishes are now is abortion be stopped simply because- of what it does and the reality of what is going on. I am sick two times-. I posted once a minute ago and ddidnt post my second baby- and God bless my babies- I am not in peace here. I am sick of the pain here. For what it does and what I caused to you and others.
Abortion is evil.
God help this world and this country- stop it please-
Christina
Jerahamy
Elisa
(my babys)who are in heaven |
| State: washington | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Christina | Date: 7/13/2010 | | 30 years later I am still sick- unable to sleep - unalbe to focus, angry- guilty and full of shame. I feel empty and nothing can fill the shoes of my baby- ever. It is the lowest thing a human being can do. I cant stop crying sometimes and it never goes away. I was a teenager- my mother told me and the dr told me and it was 12 weeks old to date in my womb- I DID NOT WANT TO DO IT deep down. They told me it was just a nothing- inside. THEY LIED...My life has been horrible since- and a huge peice of me died with my baby- I watched it shred thru the clear tube into the garbage- in which it was too late to turn back - I wept ever since then. I have never been the same since- nor my relationship wwith my mother- It is over with her and me- It makes me sick. |
| State: wa | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Danielle | Date: 6/17/2010 | I had an abortion in January of this year. I had just turned 19 when i found out I was pregnant. I was in a happy and stable relationship and at first everything was brilliant. We talked about names, where we would live and how we would cope and we decided we could.
When I told my parents they were very disappointed, my mum couldn't look at me and my dad wanted me out of the house. My boyfriends parents were the complete opposite. They were both happy for us and offered us all the support we needed, I just hoped my parents would come round.
After just a couple of weeks my boyfriend became distant, one minute we were looking at clothes the next he was saying he couldnt go through with it. I thought he was just a bit nervous but he decided he couldn't cope and didnt want to go through with the pregnancy anymore.
My mum had arranged a meeting for me at the clinic just to discuss my options. I knew 100% I wanted my baby and I could give him or her everything they needed. But I lost all of the support I first had and now all I heard was how I would be doing this on my own. It was then I began to think everyone else was right and I wouldnt be able to cope. I booked an appointment for the following week, thinking I didnt have a choice.
All week I begged my boyfriend to support me and to remember how happy he was at first, but nothing would change his mind. I loved my unborn baby, I named him Jordan, I spoke to him and I cared for him, but I was also petrified of the life I could give him as a single mum.
I went to the clinic with my dad and when I was taken through he left. It was then I realised how alone I was. I have never been so scared, ashamed and disapointed in myself. Most of all I was disappointed with my family and boyfriend for not supporting me.
The 13th of this month was the day Jordan was due and everyday up until then I cried. I can't get over what I have done. I hurt so much and no one seems to understand. Everyone thinks I have forgotten about it and moved on but I am so far from it. Deep down I still thought I was going to have Jordan, I waited all day to feel something but nothing came.
I wish I had believed in myself more because I would have been an amazing mum, I would have done anything for Jordan and loved him more than possible. Just believe in yourself, make your own decision, because it's you that has to live with the guilt and hurt no one else. If I could change it I would, I made the biggest mistake of my life that day and I dont feel like I will ever be able to come to terms with it. |
| State: Wiltshire | | Country: United Kingdom |
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| Name: dezerae | Date: 6/6/2010 | I was not even 15 and a half when i found out i was pregnat. I was with the guy for four months and to me that seemed like a long time. we only did it once because he treated me like a one night stand. three weeks later i found out i was pregnat and texted the baby's father and he said to get an abortion or act like it wasn't his. i had another bf at the time and told him i was pregnat from a boyfriend before him. He wanted me to move in and told his parents it was his. My parents kicked me out and i went to go live with a friend till the end of the school year. After a week of people telling me i couldn't do it and such i gave in to a abortion. my current boyfriend did not agree but my parents took me to go do it. i was 5 weeks when i had my abortion. I know in the long run that is was the best for me and i do not regret it. i wasnt even at legal age to have a drivers license yet! i know what i did was the right thing and i say to all those teen moms that are out there it really is the best thing.
noone ever tells you the little secrets of welfare, food stamps, and how the father can leave at ANY time he wants. at such a young age we aren't ready no matter how much u think u are. u want to go to collage and have a career and marry a smart good man and that probably ont happen with a baby on your arm. but you never know.
Yes youll feel pain and sadness and guilt but remember this
adoption- you'll have to deal with the pain of barely knowing you
keeping it- you'll have to deal with the pain of having to live with a mistake for the rest of your life.
I do advice abortion and if u do have one LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES. Get birth control if your gonna have sex and even if your not still be on it!
you never know what will happen and you have to be prepared for anything that will happen
god bless you all. |
| State: texas | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Debora | Date: 6/6/2010 | | I sit here and cry for my unborn grandchild. I learned of its life on May 13th and felt a connection to its ongoing heartbeat. I learned on 5/27 that my son's girlfriend decided to abort on 5/28.I knew when the heartbeat stopped. I could no longer feel the connection. My son is 22, she was younger and they were not together long, he had been with someone else for years. He told her he would commit to her and the baby but probably without strenght in his voice. I told them we would help, this child would go without nothing. Now I can't stop crying due to this void. A beating heart stopped radically, a life that could have been give 80 years given up because of fear of telling parents, sacrificing only 7 more months. There were choices. Adoption, they were too self serving, "i don't want someone else to raise my child" I would have takent the child myself as would my sister. Now nothing. A heart stopped beating. A life gone. I wear a charm bracel with an empty baby carriage. I think of returning to church, catholic, I am not sure what to do. My husband supported the decision, what would they do with a baby? I can't understand how she could do this without telling her parents, they are grandparents of a 1.5 and a four month old from her married sister, would they not love another child. I feel empty inside and have no one to tell. All friends I've told have had abortions themselves. I don't know where to turn other than my bracelet. I have no opinion or judgement for those who posted of their own decisions and loses. There may have been no solutions. I would have offered solutions. Now there is nothing. I am trying not to be angry with my son yet at 22 he could have made this choice. It is so hard to be without legal choice. |
| State: ma | | Country: United States |
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| Name: MS | Date: 5/20/2010 | When I was 15, I was raped. Months later I went to Planned Parenthood alone and afraid, and found out I was pregnant. I was asked how I felt about abortion. I said no that was not gonna happen I already knew that it wasn't what I wanted. I went outside to where the father was waiting in the car and told him. He said I didn't have a choice - it was an abortion. I didn't have family to talk to about this, cause we were not on speaking terms and I knew it would hurt my dad BAD!! So we went to his mom - a CHRISTIAN - the only Christian in my life. I KNEW she would stick up for the baby. NO!! She said I only had one choice. You see he was over age I was 14. He would have been arrested as soon as it was known I was pregnant. I was put to sleep - when I woke up I found out that I was TOO far along for a legal abortion - so that meant he had to pay more money to get it done.
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| State: NY | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Anna | Date: 5/7/2010 | | i had my abortion june 13, 2009 when i was 7 weeks pregnant. my boyfriend at the time and i found out in mid may. i was 17 and he was 18 and we both knew we couldn't possibly have the child. we had to grow up still and have a future and i was all set to go to school in ny in the fall. we split the cost and he still owes me most of the money he paid since i paid for his share. however, i never really gave it though until january of this year; the month our baby would have been born. i started not eating and crying and just feeling a void inside of me. i felt empty and hollow and helpless. in high school my closest friends supported me and stood by me; my best friend and her boyfriend took me to the clinic since my boyfriend at the time couldn't make it. at college however, it was harder. i had a new boyfriend because my ex, the father of my child, and i unfortunately couldn't work things out. i went to campus counseling and things like that and i was fine until this past week. i cant stop thinking about wanting my child back and feeling like it was the only child i could have ever wanted...and what would my ex feel like if he got someone else pregnant and they kept it. it worries me and im scared. he tells me he still thinks about what our lives could have been like and how we would have been with the baby...i wish i kept it some times. i know i wouldnt be were i am now but i still cry and still feel hollow. i can't let go of it. my parents never found out, no one in my family since they're extremely against it. i wish i never did it because i'd have a happy family right now...and right now im hurting really bad. a lot of my friends my age and some younger just gave birth within the past 6 months and just seeing their pictures on facebook and how beautiful their children are hurt me so bad...and just make me feel horrible inside. and i dont know what to do anymore but just cry every night and try and find a way to heal myself. no luck so far. talking it about it more doesn't help. i dont know what to do anymore... |
| State: Connecticut | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Lane | Date: 4/29/2010 | | If I can save one person from making the same decision that I made 21yrs. ago, then this will have been worth it. My story is so complicated. I was "the preachers daughter". My father left us for another woman in our church. My entire world was shattered. I ran to the first boy who told me he loved me. I was emotionally disturbed at the time no doubt, as I had no feelings left inside of me for anyone. I hurt so badly. My daddy was my best friend, and I couldn't believe he left me. I became pregnant at the age of 16. There was a small part of me that was rebellious because I had been so perfect for 16yrs. being the preacher's kid. It was hard to fit in with other kids. I waited until I was 3 months along before I told anyone (except the father). His older sister overheard us on the phone, and confronted me. She insisted on telling her mother, and reassured me that their mom would not be mad at us. A day later, his mother insisted that we have an abortion. She rounded up enough money, and made an appointment for me right away so that I wouldn't change my mind. Nobody has to ever know, she said. She called my mother and made up excuses as to why she needed to pick me up after school for 2 days in a row. I wasn't really even at school! His mother talked with the school counselor, and he agreed that it would be best for me to "take care" of this problem right away. By law, I guess he never had to tell my mother. AMAZING! I had a two day procedure. The first day, they put something inside of me to make me dilate. And gave me an ultrasound...to which I saw my baby. The nurse told me "he's sucking his thumb". I saw him. I think now, that I must have been in complete denial over what was going on. I felt nothing. By the time I had gotten home that night, I was having mixed feelings, as I was in pain from being dilated. I wrote a poem.....and later that night, read it to my mother. I was having regrets, but didn't know if it was too late or not. The next morning, was the final procedure. The waiting room was quiet. You could hear a pin drop. I wanted to run. I had nowhere to go. As the other girls have said, you are rushed around from nurse to nurse, and nobody really looks you in the eyes, or asks even one time "are you sure". It lasted about 10 min. and the entire thing was over. Little did I know, so was my life. I think I died that day. I have never been the same. I am married now, to a different man.....that I cannot discuss my emotional baggage with, as he does not understand. I have 3 beautiful, healthy children now, ages 20, 16, and 8 that I do not deserve. I have tried to be a good mother, but am having the smothering affect on them. I feel as God is leading me now, to tell my story! I need to talk about it with people, but they are so judgemental, that it keeps me from opening up. Abortion doesn't ever go away completely. I feel completely numb inside most days, and have isolated myself from others. My mother did find out a week later, as I got a high fever and had to be rushed to the emergency room. Our relationship has never been the same since. 21yrs. ago.....it makes my skin crawl to be in the same room with her, as we have never really talked about it. I know I broke her heart as well. The pain never ever goes away. It's not worth it for anyone out there who is contemplating that choice. Don't let people fool you. To the ones who already made that decision......God loves you, and he calls you by name! Ask for forgiveness and healing. I believe one day, we will hold our babies in heaven. |
| State: Wa | | Country: United States |
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| Name: JJ | Date: 4/12/2010 | I feel pretty lucky in my experience in that I had a lot of friends I felt I could talk to or turn to, and my boyfriend is amazingly supportive and has been so helpful. I know it was the right decision for me and for us, but I still feel sad a lot, and feel like something's missing.
As supportive as my friends were at the time, it's been less than a month, and it seems that everyone around me except my boyfriend wants to just pretend that nothing ever happened and everything is like it was before. But to me, it's not. It hasn't changed a whole lot, which was the reason we did it to begin with, but emotionally, everything is different. There's this giant thing that happened and was such an important part of my life, and now it's just gone, empty, and no one seems to understand or want to allow me to acknowledge it at all.
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| State: tx | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Phyllis | Date: 4/10/2010 | | I came from a very disfunctional family. My parents divorced when I was 8 and then remarried when I was 9 and a half. They divorced the last time when I was 11. My mother had signed herself in the hospital and while she was in the hospital my father got the divorce. I grew up watching him physically and mentally abuse my mother. I would stand with my back against her when I was six years old begging him not to hit her and he would grab me and through me to the side and then knock her to the floor. When they divorced my father had a neighbor take care of us. My brother and I would not see him for three months at a time. My father had always told me that if I got pregnant that he would make me have the baby and then give it up for adoption. I left home at 17 years old because I could not take the physical and emotional abuse from my father. Once my mother was gone my brother and I were his whipping post. I ran away with a girl that was a year older than me. We went to a party and I met another friend that was a older woman that took me in and I took care of her 3 year old while she worked. She told me that I had to go back and finish the 3 months that I had missed of my senior year of high school or I could not stay with her. At least I got my diploma. I was looking for someone to love me. I felt like no one loved me. My mother had left state when I was 12 years old and my father was to interested in seeing how many women he could see. I began sleeping with men if they showed any interest in me. They always acted liked they cared at first to get what they wanted. I soon became numb. I did not want to feel. I had went to Georgia to check on my brother my father moved to Georgia also. I stayed 4 months and then went back to Illinois. My friend had a older brother who pushed his self on me. I felt like he wanted it, just do it and get it over with. I became pregnant with his child at 19 years old. I was scared and I did not love the father. I did not want him to marry me because of the baby; plus I did not love him. His sister that I was living with told me that I was not ready for a child and that I should get a abortion. She was 10 years older than me. I took her advice because I had no one else to turn to. All I could think of was I had nothing to give to a baby and the baby would grow up in rags. What kind of life was that. I was 19 and really had never had anyone to turn to. The father had dropped me off at the door and waited in the car. He told me that he would marry me but I could not tell him that I did not love him. I did not want to hurt his feelings. I told him I was not ready for a child. When I went to the clinic they gave me some pamphlets to read. The pamphlets said that at 7 weeks the baby was just a little speck that it really was nothing yet and I believed them.I never had seen stages of life at that time. Plus it made me feel like for a moment that I was not doing anything wrong. But in the back of my mind and in my gut something did not feel right. When they took me into the room they gave me a few shots to numb the cervics and then stuck a steel rod in the cervics to diolate the cervics. The doctor reminded me of Learch on the Adams Family. They then stuck a tube in the cervics and turned on a machine that felt like it was sucking my insides out. I began to sweat and felt faint and they put a wet rag on my face. When I tuned my head I could see blood and pieces of what in my mind was my baby. I felt like I had just done the worse thing I had ever done in my life and still feel that way. But I kept telling myself that it was just a cell, only a speck like they had told me. One year later I moved in with the woman and her husband that my father had take care of me when my parents divorced. I was dating a guy that was 2 years older than me and I became pregnant again. Boy was I stupid. I thought that if he pulled it out I would not get pregnant. The woman that was like my second mother told me that I should not have to raise a baby by myself that I should get a abortion because the father of the child said that if I kept the baby we would end up hating each other. I did not want to go through this again. I cried and cried. But at the time I felt like if I had the baby I would end up on the streets by myself with a baby. If my real mother would of been around I do not think it would of happened. The father of the baby took me and paid for the abortion. We only lasted about a year later. I really loved him until I had the abortion then the love was not the same. I stopped seeing him. I had a miscarrage 9 years later at the age of 29. I was only 4 weeks along the doctor said it was what they called a obsure pregnancy. The embryo never implanted in the uterus. It just went straight through. I cried. I wanted this baby. I never did get pregnant again and now I have gone through menopause and will never have a child. I have asked God to forgive me but it is still hard to forgive myself. I read in the Bible where it says God is with you upon conception. He gives you your spirit. I also seen pictures of the stages of life. My advice to all women thinking of a abortion; please don't. You never forget it. I have also asked God to let the children that I aborted know that I am sorry and hope they can forgive me. I know in my heart that if I had had a good relationship with God at the time that he would of helped me through it. I have missed out on children and grandchildren. But it is my own fault. |
| State: Georgia | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Bree | Date: 4/9/2010 | I've felt horrible guilt for numerous years wanting a child that I gave up on due to pressure from my husband.
I am now older and wiser and very sorry and experiencing infertility and have been unable to adopt. |
| State: North carolina | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Monica | Date: 4/4/2010 | I was extremely emotionally and mentally abused as a child and well into my adulthood, and it turned me into a complete people pleaser, just so I wouldnt hear hurtful words from people. I was 26 when I had my abortion. My boyfriend was adamant that he did not want a child and was contemplating suicide. As a child my mom used to tell me that if she committed suicide, it would be my fault. Hearing that my boyfriend was contemplating this also made me think it would be my fault. I had this abortion for him. He feels better and now I am the one contemplating suicide. I know I will never see my child again and probably never be in the position to have a child so really what is the point of living anymore? I can go on living but my heart is constantly broken and I have no support system. Ive never felt more alone.
I was wonderful with children, I still am. I know that I would have struggled as a single mother but I also know that I would have done my best to raise my little one. I let the love and feelings of other people get in the way of my decision. I will never forgive myself, I doubt I will ever get pregnant again. I know that I will probably end up ending my life, its just now a question of when.
For all of you women out there who are thinking about having an abortion, if you have even the tiniest bit of question, DONT DO IT. DO NOT think that your abortion will be different than these stories that you read here because it wont be. You will love your child more than life itself and just because a child may not be a part of your dreams right now, once you have it, your dreams will change. Youll always regret having an abortion; but mentally sane women will never regret having a child.
Peace be with you, all of you,
Monica |
| State: California | | Country: United States |
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| Name: CARE Directory Staff | Date: 3/30/2010 | Ray....
If you'll email us, we can find help for you in the UK. You didn't include your email address when you posted.
Send your email here: info@abortionrecovery.org
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| State: CA | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Ray | Date: 3/30/2010 | hello, firstly i would like to say to all u guys i am so relieved i have found this site, i had an abortion yesterday and i feel terrible i have even got a knife to cut my rist i cannot stop crying and i havent slept at all i had nightmires and i see little babies everywhere i turn too, i didnt want to have this abortion i really didnt, i just want my baby back, i want to have my baby back i want to be pregnant again and have my baby, what do i do?! my boyfriend tells me to "get over it" my mother doesnt even look me in th face" and they were the ones that pressured me into it i tried till the last minute not to have i begged him to help me through the pregnancy and let me have our baby, i am so upset did my baby feel any pain? would it of been a little boy or girls :(
someone please talk to me i feel so lost. |
| State: reading | | Country: United Kingdom |
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| Name: Marina | Date: 3/21/2010 | As a result of my abortion, I have had the following:
-anger issues
-eating disorder that was developed a few weeks after the abortion
-deep guilt-I am not naturally a person who is prone to guilt but this is about the only thing in my life that I have not been able to work through successfully.
-hurt-I have hurt so deeply as a result of this abortion that I have literally and physically felt my chest hurt.
As the years have gone by, some of the symptoms have lessened a bit. Others still linger. |
| State: california | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Stacey | Date: 3/21/2010 | I am recovering from an abortion I had undergone five days ago. I am completely full of regret. My husband and I did not want a child. We are unable to take care of a child at this time in our young lives. But when are you really ready? I thought abortion would be the best way. I thought it wouldn't be this hard. I was uninformed. I wish that they tell you at the clinics about these feelings.
I went in Tuesday morning to have the procedure, with my husband. When they gave me an ultra sound they kept the picture from me, they didn't want me to see it. They didn't once ask me how I was feeling now! that it was getting closer. I was shuffled from nurse to nurse. I had scheduled to be put to sleep for the operation, but the receptionist messed up. So I was fully awake through the entire thing. When in the operating room the doctor finally came in and made small chit chat with me, he did not look at my face ONCE! I was crying hysterically the entire time, not because the pain, that was the least of my worries, but for the fact that the person I created in my body and the person I shared my oxygen with my food with and my life with I was now killing for my own selfishness. The nurse was treating me so bad for crying. The doctor didn't even ask me one last time if I was sure before he started. It was too late. When it was done the doctor did not say another word to me. I laid on the table in the outdated medical junky room and looked at the vacuum machine the best I could past my tears of regret, knowing that not only mine, but many other girls children were now in there, with no chance at school, life, or anything. I wanted to die on that table right then and there, I wanted him to put my child back in me. But there was no going back. How could this man do this for a living. He is a licensed murderer and he didn't care. I sat in the recovery room with eight other girls complaining about the pain, and the inconvenience. I was disgusted, we all just agreed to murder and they cared about the pain. I felt so alone.
I have had nightmares every night about this. The doctor who performed this is the devil. I honestly look at it like that. I wish I could take it back. I have no one to talk to. My husband didn't want a child right now but didn't think an abortion was the way to go about it either. But he said it was my decision and he agreed with me about it. But now he shuts me off when I try to talk about it. He gets angry when I cry. It feels like I am the bad one, not both of us.
We all look down on Hitler for what he did in Europe but look at what we are doing. It is legal to kill a child who has no choice or say in the matter because we don't want to deal with it. Its horrible. We are no better. I feel like I do not deserve to live if I did not give my child a chance. I do not think I could ever forgive myself for what I did. |
| State: VA | | Country: United States |
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| Name: Beverley | Date: 3/17/2010 | My 22 year old daughter is going to hospital this Thursday, with a view to having a termination of the pregnancy the Thursday or Friday after. She has been very torn by her decision, and I have genuinely feared for her mental health, and the effects of the stress on her unborn child. She has many reasons for wanting an abortion, and I do understand them - living in poor rented housing she and her partner can ill afford, mistakes her partner has made in the past still impacting on their lives now and into the future, her questioning that relationship, job insecurity, her belief in her emotional unreadiness. As her loving mother, I have tried to support her through her morning sickness, and changing moods and viewpoints, have helped her seek good medical care, encouraged her to take independent counselling, though she decided against this, and have paid for books on pregnancy and abortion she cannot afford for herself, so she can make an informed decision, and to help her come to the right decision for her. But I am so sorry she feels that termination is the best option. My heart is breaking. I have tried, and will keep on trying right up until it's too late, to persuade her there is real support - emotional, financial and practical - within in our family to help her keep the baby if she changes her mind, a baby who will be my first grandchild. But I also see that she is actually much happier and positive now she's made her decision, and I don't wish to return her to her real anguish over what to do.
Thanks for providing a place where I can just have my tears seen and acknowledged. |
| State: Yorkshire | | Country: United Kingdom |
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| Name: Kina | Date: 3/15/2010 | On this past Saturday, March 13, 2010, my first grandchild was aborted.
I met my daughter at the Planned Parenthood center where she had set the appointment, the day after she got the pregnancy confirmed at Mother and Child, formerly Birthright. It was the last place I wanted to be. As a matter of fact, when I should have been getting myself ready to drive to the center, I was "cleaning" the kitchen and delaying my departure.
Her appointment was at 9:40 a.m. and I arrived at 9:46 a.m. There she was, slouched on a chair in the waiting room, sitting next to my mentor, my "adopted mom" who was paying the financial cost of ending the life of my grandchild. I can't even tell this woman how I feel, because she wouldn't understand. I just know that I can't ever let my partner know that she paid because of his reaction.
I had counseled and know that others had counseled my daughter regarding birth control way before it was ever an issue. She had told me months ago that if she ever became pregnant, as a teenager, she would have an abortion. I advised her to take the necessary precautions to avoid that choice and the consequences of it.
I love her, I'm afraid for her, I'm angry at her, and I LOVE her! I don't know how to talk to her. I told her I love her and that will never change. I told her that I will always support her, even if I don't support her decisions and choices. That's why I went to the clinic on Saturday.
I was surprised when the nurse came out and called my name shortly after calling my daughter back. I hadn't been able to stop the tears and it was obvious that I was grieving even though it hadn't taken place yet. So, I went back there and it was like a regular clinic exam room. The nurse was preparing to take a vaginal ultrasound. She said she offered to show it to my daughter, but my daughter had declined.
I had never heard of a vaginal ultrasound. Apparently it was to more accurately determine how far along the pregnancy was. 6 weeks. That is the optimal time for an abortion. Earlier than 6 weeks and there's an increased risk of left over "pregnancy tissue" which can cause continued pregnancy "symptoms" and infection. More than 6 weeks and there are other complications regarding dilation/size and how much time/effort it takes to do the procedure without complication.
I felt like screaming and saying that it isn't pregnancy tissue, it's a baby. I just swallowed hard and took deep breaths and held my first baby girl's hand while she had the ultrasound. Then, the nurse asked if I was going to be in the room during the procedure. I hadn't even thought that was an option. The thought made my head spin.
My daughter asked me if I was ok two or three times. I told her that she knew how I felt about this and that no I was not ok, but I was there for her benefit and she just needed to accept that I wasn't ok and wouldn't be ok and to stop asking.
After the ultrasound, the nurse brought in the paperwork, fact sheets about the medication my daughter was going to be given, and some additional information about the risks and process and the consent form that we would have to sign if I were to be in the room during the procedure. As I read that, I kept thinking that there was no way I would be able to be in there, yet I was willing to try, if that's what my daughter needed. When the nurse returned, we were moved to a consultation room for the actual paperwork to be signed.
Once there, the nurse asked my daughter and I if I was going to be in the room with her. My daughter kept trying to say it was up to me. Both the nurse and I told her it was her decision. We went back and forth a couple of times before she finally choose not to have me in the room with her. I was grateful to her for that and glad I had stuck to my guns in making her decide.
I then went to Burger King to get her something to eat and myself something to drink. The 32 o.z. Coke w/o ice I had gotten for myself wound up all over the floorboard of the car. I took her food into the clinic for her and smell of her food was turning my stomach, so I went and sat on the floor across from her and close to my "mentor" and the grandmother of another young woman who was there for the same reason as my daughter.
The rest of the time was surreal. Everyone and everything was normal and it was just like being in the waiting room of any other clinic. I engaged in a conversation with these three about the current state of education and the "dumbing down of America." Apparently, I got a little loud and caused my "mentor" to say in an aside to the other woman that "she's a little stressed" and when I asked her about what she said, I got told that I had been including the entire room in our conversation with the loudness of my voice.
I decided to go for a walk to Burger King to replace my dumped soda and wound up ordering food I didn't want in order to delay returning to the clinic. By the time I got back, they had called my daughter back. So, I went and waited in my car. Less than 15 min later, in my rear-view mirror, I saw her walking out of the clinic. She came to the car, opened my door and gave me a hug we exchanged some brief comments, then she went home with my "mentor.
I haven't seen her or spoken with her since. I just sent her a text, asking her how she is and telling her I love her.
I'm hurting, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I'm at work but not really able to work. I feel sick and sad and all I want to do is curl up with my blanket and my pillows and sleep. |
| State: OR | | Country: United States |
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DISCLAIMER: Abortion Recovery InterNational, Inc. and services provided by us: ARIN CARE Directory, ARIN CARE Line, ARIN CARE Centers/Programs are referral and informational websites, not professional counseling sites. We are not all licensed therapists, although many of our affiliates may hold those credentials. We are not responsible for the actions performed by any person as a result of anything written within or related to Abortion Recovery InterNational or any division of our organization. By using our services, you agree to these terms.
Abortion Recovery InterNational, Inc. strongly encourages individuals affected by abortion to have completed an abortion recovery program PRIOR to involving themselves in the counseling of others; legal, research, speaking or activism opportunity.
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